"She did what she could."

We are still in Genesis and Mark in Bible study with a mixture of Psalms.  Unfortunately I had to leave before it was over today but I had to work but here a few things that jumped out at me this week.


I just LOVE this verse in Genesis 28:15.  It says, "Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” (NASB)  What a good reminder that God is always with me -- that God will always keep me -- and God will not leave me until He has done what He promised me.  This single life can get lonely sometimes.  I have friends who are married and are starting families or already have them yet here I am -- single -- and have been for 40 years.  Sometimes it does get lonely.  Sometimes you don't want to go to that wedding because yet again you will be flying solo.  Sometimes you don't want to go home because no one is there -- well, no one but Alexa.  :)  I love the reminder that God is ALWAYS with you wherever you go.  I'm reminded of Psalms 139:7-10 --

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
if I settle on the far side of the sea, 
even there your hand will guide me, 
your right hand will hold me fast.

Another thing that jumped out at me is why in the world did so much happen and they didn't even realize what was going on.  For instance, when Leah was sent by Laban (her dad) to Jacob instead of Rachel, how in the world did Jacob not realize it was Leah until the next morning?  I thought that maybe we get so fixated on an idea and what we want and fail to see reality.  Jacob expected Rachel.  Jacob longed for Rachel.  Jacob was told he was going to marry Rachel after seven years of working -- and then Leah (and her 'weak eyes') entered the picture.  Jacob, I'm sure, had been around both sisters in his seven years of working for their father but failed to see what was right in front of him.  Wow.  Am I like that?  Do I become so fixated with something that I fail to see the reality of the situation?  Do I fail to see that maybe something I'm doing isn't the will of God but because it is something I want so badly, I fail to see it for what it is.  Ouch.  That kind of hurt my toes.  

It also mentions in Genesis 28:15 that God will keep me wherever I go.  The Amplified Bible lists 'keep' as 'careful watch over you and guard.'  I love that picture.  Our house was broken into many years ago and our car was stolen out of our garage.  It happened in the early hours of the morning and me and my family were in the house asleep.  Thankfully we were kept asleep the entire time he/she/they were there.  They did walk into the room where I was sleeping and after that I couldn't sleep in my house for a week.  I still get a bit apprehensive at nights but God did show me some verses that have helped calm my fears.  I love the idea that He is ALWAYS watching over me and guarding me.

And finally, one of my favorite verses in the Bible can be found in Mark 14:8.  Speaking of the woman who broke the jar and poured out an expensive perfume on Jesus and was essentially laughed at because of her "foolishness,"  it says "She did what she could." (NIV)  Wow.  She broke something and then poured something out.  Two things I saw in this.  First, she did what she could.  Isn't that what we are called to do?  We may not have a grand stage and be able to influence thousands of people, but we have been given a platform -- a stage of whatever size -- a group of friends and family and strangers that our lives touch every day and we have been given the skills to reach these people -- be it sending a message to a friend to wish him happy birthday -- be it hanging out with friends playing games and finding out they think the ocean is 14 million feet deep -- be it making a birthday cake that is supposed to have some character named Sans on it but you think it looks atrocious but your nephew was thrilled with it -- be it listening to a friend who is missing her mom and you know the ache and loss you feel when you've lost a parent -- be it trying out a new experience like, let's say, hand bells at church and you feel so far out of your comfort zone you have to rely on Him to calm your heart and trust Him that you will get it -- be it writing a blog post that you have no idea if anyone is reading but even if no one reads it, it is therapeutic to get these words and thoughts out of your head and onto 'paper.'

The last thing I will mention is how this woman who poured out this perfume onto Jesus first broke the jar and then poured out the perfume.  I didn't live in that time so I'm not sure how this jar was made and maybe it had to be broken in order to pour the contents out but whatever is the case, something had to be broken in order for its contents to be used.  Sometimes we think that something that is broken is not good anymore, but that isn't how the Lord works.  Sometimes you must be broken in order to be used.  Whether it is heartbroken or your will has to be broken, those that are broken can then be used.  I really had no idea how it felt to lose a parent until I lost my dad four and a half years ago.  Before then I felt like I could be sympathetic to those that i knew lost a parent but after losing my dad, I realized I had no clue the depth of the hurt and heart ache and pain losing someone that close to you can bring.  I feel like I can be more sympathetic with those I know walking down a similar path.  I honestly feel that I wasn't really able to be used in this area until I was broken.

What DO you have?

As I mentioned last week, I'm in a Bible study with some women from my church and we are following a plan to read the Bible in one year.  So far we've started reading through Genesis and Mark and then there are various Psalms thrown in.  In the past I've listened to the Bible in a year but I don't think I've ever READ it entirely.  I've started many times but then I dwindle out.  I believe that not only do we discuss the readings of the week, but it is also holding me accountable and that is very important.  How important it is to have people alongside of you to help and encourage you.  I love these ladies.  Different walks of life -- different jobs -- different life experiences -- but all with a commonality of loving the Lord and wanting to grow closer to Him. 

I'm not sure if I will post every week.  So don't go expecting me to post more than I have in the past but I will try to do better.  :)

One thing that jumped out at me in this week's reading was in Mark.  I read about Jesus feeding the 5,000 and also the 4,000.  Each time Jesus told them to give the people something to eat.  Each time the disciples gave excuses -- like it would take a lot of money -- we won't be able to find enough bread to feed them.  Jesus' response: Well what DO we have?  So many times in my life, I worry about this or that but Jesus reminds me to see what I DO have.  He used what they had and made it so much better than they expected.  He wants to use what we have and will make it so much better than we expect.  He wants our willingness.  He wants us to be open for whatever He would have for us...be it inside our comfort zone -- or so far outside of it we might not even be able to see our comfort zone anymore.  I am reminded of a verse later on in Mark that talks about a woman who anointed Jesus and he says, "She did what she could."  We all have a 'could.'  Maybe my 'could' looks different than your 'could,' but that is the BEAUTY in the Lord.  He's plans are so mightier than what we could think of.

Another gem that jumped off the page was in Genesis 16:13 :...you are the God who sees me...I have now seen the One who sees me..."  For this single, 40-year old who sometimes feels forgotten about being reminded that God sees me does my heart well.  He not only sees me but loves me, cares for me, protects me, listens to me, has patience with me, gives grace and mercy to me, and so much more.  I'm reminded about semis when driving on the highway that have a sticker that says 'If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you."  The opposite is true -- if you can see my mirrors, I can see you -- so if you can see me, I can see you.  God sees me, do I see Him?  Am I actively looking for Him?  You know when you see your friends at the store, you know them because you have spent time with them, you know what the look like.  In order for us to see God, we need to spend time with Him, talk to Him, listen to Him.

Fig leaves vs. skin

I'm not even going to address the amount of days that have transpired since my last blog post.  I'm not going to say that I'm going to try to do better.  I think I need someone to hold me accountable.  Speaking of accountability, I recently began a program of reading thru the Bible in 2019.  I'm in a group of women from my church who are going to meet once a week to discuss and encourage each other.  I feel that this will give me the accountability to keep up these daily readings and finish well.  I know -- we've just started -- but not only do I want to start well.  I want to finish well.

In our reading this past week, we read about Adam and Eve.  One thing that leaped from the page was how they sewed fig leaves together as a covering for themselves when they learned they were naked.  It goes on to say in Genesis 3:21, "The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."  Two things I gleaned from this:

     1.  Coverings vs. Clothed them
          Here Adam and Eve felt they needed to COVER something but then God made something and CLOTHED them.  To me the difference between to COVER and to CLOTHE is that a covering is meant to hide something...and that's what they were doing.  They were disobedient to the Lord and in turn felt they needed to COVER their nakedness.  The only thing that had changed from the time of them not being covered and now is their sin -- their disobedience.  Isn't that what we do?  We disobey what the Lord has told us to do or how He has told us to be and we choose to hide because we know it isn't/wasn't the right thing -- the obedient thing to do.  But the Lord is in all His love and grace and mercy comes to CLOTHE us -- to adorn us with things so undeserving.  We've disobeyed Him -- we thought our way was better and yet He still loves us -- He still cares for us -- He still clothes us with garments only He can give.

     2.  Fig leaves vs. skin
          Another thing that jumped out when I read this was the difference between fig leaves and skin.  Adam and Eve made coverings of fig leaves -- where the Lord made garments of skin.  Even when we are disobedient, God still gives us what is better.  Adam and Eve tried to cover themselves and find a solution to the "problem" and once again the Lord shows His love, grace, and mercy and prepares for them something that is far better than they were able to do themselves.  This is a good reminder that sometimes I try to fix things or cause things to happen when I need to rest in the Lord and know He will make whatever I need and make it so much better than I could have constructed.  I'm a fixer -- I'm a problem solver -- so for me, learning to rest in Him is a struggle.  I want to know the road ahead.  I want to know how we are going to get from point A to point B but I'm learning that the Lord doesn't always enlighten me to His methods.  The verse about being still and knowing He's God has always been a struggle for me.  Patience is easier in some areas of my life than others.  Lessons I've learned -- things He's taught me -- decisions and choices in my life of what to do and what not to do sometimes comes easier because they are solids -- those are standards to uphold in my life I feel that He has called me to be -- but sometimes waiting for Him to move can seem tiresome and tedious -- I tend to want to "help" Him out which seems laughable even as I type it -- but that's the humanity in me -- the sinfulness.  I struggle as much as the next one but reading a story in the Bible that happened MANY years ago reminded me of God's goodness -- God's provision -- God's care -- God's promises -- God.  

Crackers and milk and imitation pearls

I know I haven't blogged much but lately I just don't feel like I have anything to say -- or at least anything someone would want to read.  Maybe I just need to make myself start blogging again.  Putting down my thoughts just might be therapeutic.  I can tell you I need me some therapy.  :)

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Today marks 3 years since I stood in my dad's bedroom and witnessed as the Lord took my dad.  Even if I didn't think it was time, God knows much more than I and He said it was time.  Today has been difficult to say the least.  Remembering back to what was happening 3 years ago has taken much energy and I've experienced various emotions today.  Trying to work when your heart is heavy is quite a difficult task.  I probably wasn't my chipper self but a day of remembrance will knock the wind out of your sails.

For some reason, it seems like a long time since my dad was here.  Three years isn't a long time when I've been on this earth for 39.  I know he's in a better place.  I know he isn't suffering anymore.  I also know he isn't here.  He isn't here to tell me it will be ok.  He isn't here to fix my car.  He isn't here to pass on his wisdom.  He isn't here to pass on his knowledge.  He isn't here to make some concoction in the kitchen and then come offer me a taste.  He isn't here to watch OU games with.  He isn't here to flip channels when OU isn't doing too well.  He isn't here to tell corny jokes.  He just isn't here -- and I am.  So I will do my best to remember.  I will do my best to tell about him.  I will do my best to mention him often.  I will do my best to try to be as mechanically minded as he was.  I will do my best to try to be as smart as he was.  I will do my best to love the Lord like he did.  I will do my best.

So in honor of my dad today, I donned my imitation pearl necklace (Dad always wanted to get me pearls and so I bought this cheapy string of fake pearls a year ago or so.) and fixed my a glass of crackers and milk (one of his favorites).  These small things might not mean anything to you but to me, they remind me of my loving father who helped mold me into the person I am today.

A birthday, a turtle, and God's provision

Today would have been my dad's 66th birthday.  It is the third birthday that he's celebrated in heaven.  It is the third birthday that he wasn't here to celebrate with us.  I'm not sure if the anniversary of his death is harder or his birthday is harder.  Maybe each is hard in its own way.  This past week I was thinking of what I would have been doing if my dad had still been here.  The shopping for a gift -- shopping for a card -- finalizing what kind of cake he wanted and shopping for all that -- but now things are different.  No shopping for a gift.  No shopping for a card.  No cake recipe needed.  Just a regular week.  My how things are different.

Yesterday we went to the small town where my dad grew up.  They were having a founder's day celebration.  We've gone the last two years.  They have many festivities -- a parade -- activities for the kids like a turtle race -- a dessert auction -- live, local entertainment -- and much more.  It is a different atmosphere.  I've remember my dad taking us to this small town to "show us around."  Oh, how I wish he could have been our tour guide this year.  But we went and it was fun.  

One of the children's activities was a turtle race.  Last year, one of my nephews wanted to participate so we walked over to where the race was.  We didn't know you had to BYOT [bring your own turtle].  Well this year, we were prepared -- sort of.  I put a call out to the BookFace world asking for everyone to be on the lookout for a turtle.  Ironically, one showed up at my mom's a few days ago.  I was then told that we were needing two.  Needlesstosay, we couldn't find anymore so we left for the festival with one.  On the drive, we saw one in the road.  I've been quite traumatized in the past with trying to rescue a turtle and a van barreling down the road and squishing the turtle right in front of my face.  I told myself -- "I'm an adult.  I can do this."  Well, it was successful.  We had looked and looked for what we needed and when we weren't looking anymore, God placed what we needed right in front of us.  Wow.  God teaches us in many different circumstances.  Tonight in Bible study, we were reminded of God's provision in giving the Israelites manna.  God did it then and still does it today.  He gives us what we need -- sometimes in ways we never expected.

Falls Creek 2016

I'm not even going to address the tremendous lapse since my last post.  To everything there is a season.  I definitely go thru my seasons.  :)

Today is my first full day back from Falls Creek.  Once again, God moved mightily this week.  Thru laughter and tears -- thru joy and heartache -- thru comfort zones and stepping out of them, Falls Creek 2016 was one of the best weeks spent at the Creek for me. Here are some "pearls" that I caught this past week.  Some things I learned -- some things I was reminded of -- some things I just let my hair down and laughed.  Here goes . . . 

  *  I found my new favorite palindrome.  [Doesn't everybody have a favorite palindrome?]  Are you ready?  It will blow your socks off.  Here goes.  TACO CAT.  For such a literal person like myself, this is quite funny.

  *   I have been recently thinking about being single.  I have friends encouraging me do the online dating thing but I'm just not settled that is what I should do.  Maybe being single is the path God has for me. The first night's message was "A Single Heart for the One True God." I was thinking "Really?"  I'm pretty sure the speaker was talking directly to me.  Amazing how God works.  One of HB Charles Jr's points was to remove anything that blocks your pursuit of God.  That was pretty convicting for me.  Am I focusing on this whole singleness thing so much that it is blocking me from my pursuit of God?  Hmmmm.  Ouch.

  *  The second night Mr. Charles Jr. came from Luke 18 when it talks about the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.  Be sure you aren't wanting the RIGHT thing the WRONG way.  It reminded me of a quote from Joshua Harris' book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye."  It says, "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing."  That's good stuff right there.

  *  Wednesday, Mr. Charles Jr. told about Laura Hatch -- a teenager who didn't return home one evening.  Her friends and family began searching for her.  After 8 days, one of the friends felt God telling her to drive to a certain location.  The woman got out and sure enough spotted Laura's car.  Laura was still alive.  She was rescued and taken to a nearby hospital.  While there, the doctors couldn't believe she was still alive after 8 days without water.  A blood clot was found in her brain.  Because she was so severely dehydrated, it prevented the blood clot from causing more damage.  So the thing that should have killed her actually saved her life.

  *  Another story that was told was about a shepherd that kept having this one sheep running away from the herd.  He ran away.  Shepherd would find him.  Shepherd would return him.  It would just run away again and again and again.  Finally the shepherd ended up breaking one of the sheep's leg and then re-setting it and casting it.  This shepherd would know the time it would need to heal so he would carry this "lame" sheep in his arms until the sheep's leg was healed.  After it was able to walk again, it wouldn't want to leave the shepherd's side because it was longing for the shepherd's arms.  It had been in them for some time and knew the safety that was found there. This really jumped out at me.  Why is it sometime we only want to be close to Him when the rain comes?  He's there in the sunshine AND rain.  He's there in the happy AND the sad.  He's there in the laughter AND the tears.

It is hard to remember.

Most of the time the hardest thing about writing a blog is how to begin it.  It is like I need to just jump in but my personality is the type of slowly wading into the pool.  It isn't just jumping off the diving board right off.  I've noticed that I preface my sentences with "So..." or the like.  I don't know what I'm scared of but I just need to go for it.  My mom has encouraged me to say the "so" in my head and then the rest of the sentence out loud but I still catch myself saying "So."  Ugh.  So . . . :) Apparently this is a flaw that I need to work on.  What?  Kimberly has a flaw?  Trust me.  Kimberly has many, many flaws.  

Today was a rough day.  I cry often but I don't like crying in public -- especially at work.  I was at work today and someone reminded me very much of my dad -- and it brought back a flood of emotions that made it hard to even breathe.  I was just thinking the other day that when you have walked through the last years and months and days with a loved one whose health is steadily declining, it is hard because those last few years are the most current memories you have of your loved one.  Granted in comparison to the number of years they were "healthy," the "unhealthy" years were a drop in the bucket but yet those memories of "unhealthy" days are fresher.  You might still be raw from walking thru those days with that loved one and something happens which brings back the feelings and sights and sounds you remember experiencing while watching the final days of that loved one.  This may not be making any sense to anyone but sometimes when my thoughts are rolling around in my head, I need to get them out.

So today when someone reminded me of my dad, I fought back the urge to just run and hide and let all the tears come out.  But sometimes, that isn't the best time for that to happen.  You know -- smack dab right in the midst of my work day.  I did tear up.  I did have to remember to breathe.  I'm trying to remember that the dad I saw those last few years was marred by cancer.  Cancer attacked his body and took away the father I knew from my very first day on earth.  From me almost being named Jennifer to always being his "Sally."  But sometimes it is hard to remember the times when monthly oncology appointments weren't the norm.  It is hard to remember the times when chemo tablets weren't sitting on the shelf with the rest of his medications.  It is hard to remember the times when hospice nurses and workers weren't a common site in our house.  It is hard to remember the times  when a hospital bed wasn't set up in his room.  It is just hard to remember the sound of his voice.  The sound of his laughter.  And then all that came to a screeching halt.  No more appointments.  No more scans.  No more medicine.   I know he is in heaven.  I know he wouldn't want me to be sad.  I know these things.  But where he is, I am not.  Where I am, he is not -- and that hurts. 

"It is because of the Lord's lovingkindness that we are not consumed, Because His [tender] compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; Great and beyond measure is Your faithfulness."  (AMP)  Lamentations 3:22-23

Hospital stays and Jelly Bellys

I was reminded today that on this day 6 years ago, I was admitted to the hospital.  I had not been in the hospital as a patient since I was born.  This time I was severely dehydrated and not able to keep food down  Culprit: A bad gall bladder.  One of the nights I was in the hospital, my dad came and stayed with me and spent the night.  Just another reason I love that man -- so unselfish.  I remember him coming up that evening in his work uniform.  He was going straight to work the next day.  Unfortunately it was a double occupancy room and all he had was a chair.  So he sat there in that chair the whole night trying to get some sort of shut eye but as you may well know, shut eye doesn't happen often in a hospital. Little did we know that in about three short months from then, we would find out he had cancer.

I have started doing things that remind me of him.  Maybe it is to keep his memory alive or maybe it just makes me feel better, but I have this fear that he and his memory will slowly slip away.  There is great comfort in hearing stories from others about my dad.  So many things I see remind me of him -- like today.  I wasn't feeling too great today and then this morning I was thinking about my dad coming up to see me at the hospital.  It reminded me of a time my dad was in the hospital and I went up there one evening and spent the evening with him (just the two of us) talking and watching a Thunder basketball game.  He would doze off every now and then.  It was hard for me to watch a Thunder game and try to keep from being loud but I managed to control my noise level.  All this to say that my dad was much on my mind this morning.

I was at work this morning and saw some new products some of my coworkers were putting out.  You know what it was?  Jelly Belly jelly beans.  I seriously thought time stood still for a moment.  I just kept staring at that box -- unable to move.  After what seemed like ten minutes (in reality like two seconds), I went back to my work.  See, my dad was a fan of Jelly Bellys.  I went thru a stage that every year at Christmas, one of his presents from me would be Jelly Bellys.  He didn't hoard them for himself.  He shared.  More than likely he didn't get to eat very many of them because of giving to others.  So now, I have a jar in my house of Jelly Bellys.  I cannot pass the jar without thinking of him.

Just under the surface.

This is the first year I've had a flower bed.  I'm not one of these matchy-matchy people when it came to picking out flowers.  I have one rose bush.  One requirement when selecting a rose bush was the rose had to smell -- not just smell but when you close your eyes and take a whiff of a rose, you imagine you are in a florist or flower market and just drink in the aroma.  I know.  I know.  I'm quite unusual but that is fine with me.  I have some lemon balm I received from a friend.  I have some flowers from family members who got them from distant relatives.  I like history.  I like to have a story behind what's growing outside.  I have some flowers on my patio.  I have some flowers planted in a toolbox.  See, my dad was a mechanic.  (It still brings tears to refer to him as "was.")  I found an idea of using a toolbox for a planter.  It is one of my favorite things outside.  It is filled with a flower that is called Sentimental Blue Balloon Flowers.  I found it was appropriate because he loved the color blue.  When I look at them, I get sentimental and sometimes I get blue.

Most every morning, I water these flowers and plants.  I actually enjoy this time.  I was thinking the other day that here I am watering these flowers but I can't MAKE them grow.  All I can do is what I know to do.  Read up on the flowers and find out their specs -- how much water they need, how much sun they need, etc.  and do my best to make that happen.  It made me think that is how it is with God.  We can MAKE someone grow in their walk with Christ.  We can just find out when we need to water and water.  When I first bought these flowers at the store, I really couldn't tell my watering was doing any good.  I couldn't tell if they were growing but after weeks and weeks, I realize it is getting bigger.   They are spreading out.  They have more blooms than before.

You are probably wondering what in God's green earth is she talking about.  Stay with me.  Last week, I went to water the flowers and noticed a few stems poking thru the soil.  I thought it was one of my transplanted plants taking off and I was thrilled.  I went out the next day and noticed a few more stems in another place in my flower bed poking out.  Over the next few days, over 40 stems have poked out and are growing.  I have no idea what kind of plants these are.  Apparently the previous residents planted something.  So here I was watering day after day -- I thought I was just watering what I could see but little did I know, I was also watering what was just under the surface.  Weeks and weeks of "toil" has created a harvest that only He knew.  Weeks and weeks of me focusing on the surface produces something I didn't even expect.  Weeks and weeks of expecting to see growth, God just blew me out of the water by producing something only He can do.

I leave you with the lesson He's teaching me in all this.   Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (NIV)  Sometimes we grow weary of what we feel we need to do.  But just because we do not see the effects, does not mean that what we are doing is for naught.  Sometimes what we expect to happen, happens and then also so much more.  Something we didn't even expect.  

365 days.

Tomorrow will mark one year since the Lord called my Dad home.  For this past week, I've been remembering what life was like this time last year.  Friends and family in and out of our house. Wanting to be a good host but also wanting to lock myself in my room and wish this wasn't happening. Trying to get sleep but not being able to rest.  Wanting time to just stop.  Knowing it could be any day but never wanting that day to come.  My Dad wasn't able to communicate the last few weeks of his life but he was there -- I could see him -- being in the same room, we were breathing the same air -- but in the twinkling of an eye, he was gone.  I had an unbelievable experience of being in the room when the Lord came to take him to be with Him in heaven.  Oh what peace filled that room.  A peace I've not experienced before.  I was concerned about what it would be like -- those last few seconds.  Honestly I was a bit scared -- not knowing what to expect.  I prayed that God would be with me in those moments and He was and He is and He will be in all moments I have in the future.  God wasn't a bit surprised that in the early morning hours of July 21, 2014, we would be standing around a bed crying and hugging and loving my Dad to his very last breath on this earth.  He was there when I took my first breath.  I was there when he took his last.

It is incredible how 365 days can seem like forever and also seem like a short amount of time both at the same time.  It is unbelievable that one year has passed.  I don't want to even imagine where I would be without the Lord Jesus Christ in my life.  He has blessed me with great family and friends.  Sometimes when I'm at work and tears start streaming down my face, I rush into the bathroom and try to stop crying and can't.  I text some of my friends requesting prayer because I don't think I can literally finish my work day if He doesn't calm my heart -- and He always does.

I thought about not writing these thoughts down because I know the tears would just flow.  After 9 tissues, I probably will have a major headache tomorrow but sometimes getting my thoughts out is kind of therapeutic.  So this may not be for anyone else's benefit but one day I will look back on this and remember.  Remember where I was those early morning hours on July 21, 2014.  Remember the grace and mercy God has extended to me and my family.  Remember the love of family and the unique ways they express it -- maybe it was reorganizing our pantry or bringing us food or taking the kids on an outing to just have a sense of normalcy.  I can never express thank you enough for the love and generosity that was shown and is still shown to me and my family today.  Don't take anyone for granted -- ever.